and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
