Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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