so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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