She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
