Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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