gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
where does the pee come out of this thing
you win again, gameday.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
