just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
