You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
