Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
