anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
