Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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