I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
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