areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
