we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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