My balls are so social today.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
