She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
