just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Come see our sink grown plant.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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