All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
