you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
