So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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