Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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