How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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