i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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