That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
