my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
