No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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