Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
