Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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