SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
