you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
