At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
