New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
