mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
