Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
