I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
