I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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