and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You had me at "let me see your balls"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
how does that bad decision feel?
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