ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
