you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
