I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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