Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
