I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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