He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So much Jack, so little girl.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
