the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
