are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
