i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
