I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
