I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
