Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
