whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
