I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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