why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
