Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
