He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
