did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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